


I Kissed An Alien and I Liked It

by drforrester



Category: American Dad
Genre: M/M, mistletoe fic, this fic is um... something
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-07
Updated: 2016-12-07
Packaged: 2018-09-07 04:43:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8783617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drforrester/pseuds/drforrester
Summary: Stan has a plan. It involves mistletoe and Francine. It does not involve Roger. But naturally Roger gets involved anyway.





	

Stan sat happily under the mistletoe. He had this all planned out. Any moment now, Francine would come through the door after her shopping trip and sit down next to him on the couch. How romantic would it be when he pointed out the mistletoe above them? Francine would blush and laugh her girlish laugh and then they would proceed to have a sexy husband-wife make-out session. 

At least, that's how things would happen according to Stan's imagination. 

Steve was at school and Hayley was at her boyfriend's. There was nothing that could interrupt his perfect plan except-

"Stan do we have anymore of those mint cookies? You know, the ones with the creme at the center and the-"

"Roger!" Stan shouted in a panic, "Get out of here! Why aren't you in your attic?"

"Because I'm out of cookies dumbass. Do you ever listen to me? Or do you just tune me out like I'm some bland bimbo from a B movie?" Roger said, walking dangerously closer to where Stan sat. 

"Roger, don't come any closer!" Stan shouted, putting his hands out to protect himself. 

"You know Stan," Roger said thoughtfully, coming closer still, "I've been thinking, we haven't been doing much bonding lately and I think right now is a good time to start." 

"I'm warning you Roger-" Stan began, reaching for his gun only to find his pocket unusually empty. 

"Dammit!" He exclaimed, pawing at his empty pockets uselessly as Roger finally took a seat next to Stan on the couch. 

"Roger! You have no idea what you've done!" Stan said, pointing up at the mistletoe despondently.

"Oh Stan!" Roger said excitedly, and then lowering his voice to a whisper he said "I had no idea you felt this way about me." 

"I- What? I don't! I- I'm not gay!" Stan protested, "This is all a huge mistake. I can't go through with this!" 

Roger frowned, "But Stan, it's traditional! I thought you were all about tradition." 

Stan considered for a moment, "Roger for once, you're right! This isn't 'gay', this is traditional- like marriage between a man and a woman!" 

"That's the spirit!" Roger said giddily, licking his lips. "Now how are we gonna do this? It can't just be a peck if we want it to be really traditional." 

"That's true, I am a man of my traditions." Stan replied, scratching his chin in thought.  
"Alright Roger, I've made my decision. I am going to close my eyes and pretend that you're my lovely wife Francine." 

Roger rolled his eyes, "Eh, I'll take it." 

Stan squeezed his eyes shut and leaned in cautiously. He imagined that Roger wasn't there at all, that instead Francine sat in front of him and everything had gone according to plan. 

Their lips touched with hesitance, the alien texture of Roger's painfully evident. Stan wrenched his eyes open to find that Roger's eyes were open too. They stared at each other for a long, awkward moment, as if frozen in time, until suddenly, Roger's eyes turned fiery and determined. He closed them and kissed Stan with all he had. 

Stan's eyes widened and then slipped closed as he relaxed into the kiss. He stiffened for a moment as Roger's tongue penetrated his lips but allowed it to push through and join with his own. Their tongues did battle in Stan's mouth as they pressed their lips against each other. 

Stan was in disbelief. This felt... Good. But how was that possible when gayness was sin and Roger was well, Roger? 

Roger grabbed Stan's shirt-collar and unbuttoned the top two buttons to feel his chest. Against his better judgement, Stan did not protest. His face flushed red as the alien squeezed his chest muscles. 

Sliding his tongue out, Roger bit Stan's lip playfully. It was as if Stan had been struck with a bolt of lightning. The jolt of pleasure excited and mystified him. It was an entirely new feeling unlike anything he had ever felt before, even during sex with Francine. 

Before Stan could consider this line of thought further, the key turned in the door. Stan started- pushing Roger away in a frenzied panic. "Act natural!" Stan shouted, desperately trying to get rid of the blush corrupting his face. He tore the mistletoe down and stuffed it in his pocket. 

The knob turned and Francine stepped into the house. "Oh hello Stan, Roger. It's so nice to see you two spending some quality time together!" 

"It's quality alright," Roger said in a low voice, earning him a kick in the shins from Stan. 

"So Francine, h-how was your shopping trip?" Stan asked, hastily buttoning up his shirt and tightening his tie.

"Well it was lovely, Stan," Francine said, surprised. "It's so nice of you to ask me about my day. Are you feeling alright?" 

Stan was beginning to sweat, stubbornly refusing to make eye contact with Roger or even to acknowledge his existence. 

"P-perfectly fine," He managed, stumbling over the words.

"Well if you're sure then," Francine said looking concerned still. "I won't intrude anymore into your personal business." 

With that Roger completely lost it. "'Personal business'?" He nearly yelled, cackling, "Oh Francine you have no... No idea!" 

"ROGER!" Stan shouted, his face flushing red, "Get out of here!" 

"I'm going, I'm going," Roger said nearly crying with laughter and heading towards the stairs. "Oh it was personal alright." 

Stan put his head in his hands as Roger climbed the stairs and disappeared out of sight, still laughing.

"Um... Stan," Francine said slowly, "Did something... Happen while I was gone?" 

"Nothing gay if that's what you're asking!" Stan insisted desperately. 

Francine looked surprised, "That's... Not what I had in mind but-" 

"I assure you everything that has gone on in this house has been entirely traditional!" Stan said, assuring himself as well as Francine. 

She hesitated for a moment, "Stan, what's that in your pocket?"

"I- What? It's nothing I just-" Stan stuttered, desperately shoving the mistletoe further down in his pocket. 

"Stan is that mistletoe?" 

"No of course not, it's... Spare salad greens. You never know when you might need an extra boost of vitamin K!" Stan chuckled, dying inside. 

"Stan-" 

"I'm not gay alright! I just like salad. That's the end of it." Stan shouted, louder than he had intended. 

Francine stared at him for a long moment before saying "Alright Stan, just as long as you don't like salad more than me."


End file.
